Let it be.

Approaching motherhood fearlessly holding my level head up high, religiously checking off lists and embracing the changes that are happening to me emotionally and physically.
Then all of a sudden I wake up one morning riddled with fear my previous attempts at finding the light when caught out in dark situations had passed me leaving me lost without any flicker of light. Or at least that is what it felt like, the morning itself dragged on I watched the clock, drank silly amounts of tea and signed in and out of Facebook countless times.
The truth is I am not sure what came over me with everything running smoothly it was strange to suddenly have doubt crawling through my mind and stealing my excitement. By lunch time I was still feeling pretty glum my emotions and hormones had taken control, so I decided to bring my blanket down and have a sofa day, in front of the t.v surrounded by treats I allowed myself to have this tragic moment. After a few romantic comedies and a lonely snuggle I realised that I had spent so much time on the go trying to be the best, forcing my emotions to the back of my mind but really I was denying myself reality. Because really I am scared really scared, being a mother for the first time is daunting and has challenged my thoughts daily I figured its ok to feel like this and by pretending that I am head strong and prepared in every aspect of pregnancy and motherhood is clearly a disguise.
So now I have found acceptance things are a lot easier, today I have been getting butterflies in my tummy just thinking about our baby, but I welcome these butterflies just like I will welcome the fear of labour because no doubt by lunch time panic mode will set and thoughts of labour will replace everything else… But that’s pregnancy full of ups and downs highs and lows.

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