Getting lost amongst a sea of pregnant strangers online, I study each post as if each one would hold the key to pregnancy success. Each hour I would routinely check for updates and new posts, often the talk of deprived sleep, hunger, cravings and weight gain left me nodding in a sort of ‘I so get that’ kind of way. But lingering on pregnancy forums like the awkward girl without an invite made me feel foolish, after all why was I trying to high jack the band wagon when the only input I really had was a list of food cravings I had made up because in reality I don’t have any.
The truth is I wanted to fit in, pregnancy is daunting and scary at times we are told what to expect each week from kicking patterns to weight gain its no surprise that we fall into the trap of comparing our experiences with others.
I have learnt that my experience is different because we are all unique, the pressure to feel good during this time is overwhelming and quite tough to keep on top of in the emotional sense of it all.
I am seven months and have come to terms with my changing body and changing life, finding beauty in the smallest things and gripping hope tightly as a coping mechanism to save me from falling behind again.
Really I learnt to trust myself and my natural maternal instinct rather than put all my efforts into trying to be like other people and follow their experiences so closely forgetting that mine is precious.
My journey is in full swing now, with a few months left I find myself writing to do lists daily satisfying the need to organise my life.
I am happy with my bump the way it changes, I am even fond of the way my clothes have started to feel tight against my skin – a pleasant reminder of motherhood.